Ugly Truth is

The Afterlife is NOT living up to the hype of its PARADISE branding.

And the good folk who just croaked aren’t afraid to let God hear about it.

If the old man can’t upgrade his digs, he might have a mutiny on his hands.

But who’s God gonna call when those spoiled Newly-Deads won’t stop whining about their heavenly experience?

Loud-mouth guests, meet…

Jesus Herman Christ

Made a big splash when he first broke onto the scene back in AD 27.

But since then, Jesus has been going through a slump.

Maybe it’s the pressure of having a powerful father.

Maybe it’s the fact that he was crucified, and now he’s dealing with PTSD.

Whatever it is, the guy

needs to get his AFTERLIFE together!

Higher Learning

Jesus hoped cloud community college would set him straight. But that 2-year degree is taking longer than advertised.

To be fair, God throws a lot of unwanted contracting work his way. Without a creative outlet, poor Jesus is on the brink of an EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.

But the son of God has…

But some

DREAMS

can turn into…

What’s more

TERRIFYING

than a…

And then

FEAR

turns into…

After THREE HOURS of Rehearsal

The death metal demons get sleepy, too.

The SQUEALING ends, and the night goes silent.

But eventually…

Meet Dawn

The first female union boss in New Jersey’s Local #116.

She dominated the tri-state jungle and all the wild men who tried to cross her.

And then she got

WHACKED!

The Rich Pricks

Invited her to the horse track.

Had the Jersey-born thoroughbred

SAMMY BULLET

do their dirty work.

Poor Sammy is now on the run.

Racing under different monikers.

Tomato Gem

Asbury King

Freehold Freight

Asbestos Breeze…

Galloping down the Jersey Shore.

Where he’ll kick the next annoying union rep who won’t shut her BIG MOUTH.

As for Dawn…

Dawn don’t wait five minutes

before she starts pointing out the obvious.

Paradise SUCKS.

Why is it so stuffy in the sky?

Why can’t the creator

CREATE

nicer things for his guests?

Heard this BELLY-ACHING before

God knows just the trick to make his Newly-Deads feel right at home. Especially when Jesus is about 10 years away from finishing their actual home.

God hosts a GAME NIGHT!

And Jesus made that delicious powdered onion dip!

Knock-OFFs

Ain’t okay for game night, either, Mr. God.

UNE didn’t hit with the Newly-Deads.

Some of them got a little MOUTHY.

And God got a little

BIBLICAL

As for the rest of our merry band of

DEGENERATES…

Universally Beloved

GANDHI ushered in the practice of non-violent resistance.

He never let those dirty Brits boss him around.

In terms of the Civil Rights Movement, Gandhi’s equaled only by the likes of…

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Angela Davis

Malcolm X

Gandhi was also a

PERVERT!

No SEXY Time, Huh?

Gandhi took a vow of celibacy.

And then slept naked with his

NIECE!!!

Gandhi claims…

Even WORSE?

Gandhi married his wife when she was fourteen.

Gandhi tries to explain that he was thirteen at the time they eloped.

The Big Guy doesn’t want to hear it.

God has the perfect punishment for this plant-based predator.

Thank GOD

Gandhi isn’t demeaning to women anymore.

His new

Girlfriend makes sure of it.

Sisterhood Solutions

Mama T comes up

with a brilliant plan to

WOO them back.

Mama T’s Man

is the guinea pig for the

MERCY MUD test trials…

Mama T’s other hobby?

SLEEPING with the enemy.

World-renown atheist, Christopher Hitchens, wrote a really mean book about Mother Teresa.

Missionary Position

Even though the heretic aired out her dirty laundry, she can’t wait until the next time they

HATE FUCK each other.

Speaking of

AIR Quality…

LUCY

Been through the wringer the last few millennia.

Used to be second in command.

The right hand MAN.

Then God and Lucy had a falling out. God was mainly to blame.

God admits, “I never should’ve let those monks take that creative writing class.”

FORTUNATELY

Ever since Lucy came out as a trans woman, her relationship with God has been smoothing sailing.

God’s done with the lies and the gossip.

IN RETURN

Lucy graciously offers to whip Heaven’s staff back into shape, along with handling the marketing strategies and public relations.

Savviest person in PARADISE

Lucy wears prosthetic the horns just to fuck with people.

She figures, if society is going to demonize trans people, she might as well have a little fun with it.

“Why not give the bigoted Newly-Deads something to worry about?”

Just when you think

Lucy has done MORE than enough to help that bloated excuse for a creator…

She refers God to the best

Acro Platonic YOGA Studio

Aphrodite and God’s love story moves

FAST and FURIOUS.

Before long, God asks her to

Move IN.

Jesus also has a few

Not-So-SECRET

bedtime stories.

Glory Holes GALORE

A dumbass Newly-Dead fills

an inflatable pool

in his living room

and smokes a cigar

like Tony Montana in

SCARFACE

over the plastic lining…

Guess who cleans up the

The MESS…